| sometimes i like this sometimes i hate this |
[20 Feb 2007|10:53pm] |
things that make you go hummm
i met this very interesting guy last week, and he reminds me of my ex, mark from back in the day, something about him, he seems to have this eagerness to be believed, instead of saying a story it seems like he's trying to prove every now and then, also he mentioned an odd fondness for elephants, such as mark did, hummmm, he also gets this look in his eye, just something about him.. not sure what to think, kim says that when she saw us together our first time *we can recall* meeting that it was pure chemistry, not sure what to think of that one. however my sister hates him... interesting..
daily quote
"can you see your self married to me?"
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| the first part is funny :) |
[08 Feb 2007|10:05pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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Tiffany asked me out to dinner tonight, and we decided to call it the best friends forever date night, and then i said no no lets call it BFFN best friends forever night, and then later Tiffany is getting her hair cut by Kim and i teasingly said to Kim, to hurry up, cause i haven't ate yet that day, and it was 6pm, and kim said you can leave if you want, and i told her no tonight is bff and then i said night instead of just the N and kim thought i added the N as Nigger... instead of night.. **for those who have no idea, Kim is black** her face just dropped and she stared at me.. like seriously stared at me, but on the plus side, i did wear my new dress today at work, and kim couldn't get over it, she loved it, every single client loved it, and apparently my hair and makeup were rocking, this morning i was ready for work by 9 and so i decided i was going to get coffee and check out some goodwill goodness and then i ended up passing goodwill after Starbucks, so i just chilled in the parking lot of k allison and worked on my tan while i conveniently played 20 questions..it just so happened to be in my purse! i love that lil ball of goodness! anyhow kim did tiffanys hair, then tiffany did kims hair and then we went to urban outfitters in scottsdale, which niter of us have been to. turns out not to shabby but not as cool as we had expected.. looked like a regular store.. anyhow.. i also hate how every time i go to one, no matter which one i go to, the music always stops for a good minute?? anyone else notice that? hummmm? anyhow we left there turns out miss tiffany wasn't in the mood to shop and i was already starving by this point now being 815 at night.. yikes! anyhow we get to az88 and tiffany has half sleeve on her right arm and turns out yuppies like to blatantly talk shit about it.. it made me very uncomfortable and i kept requesting to leave, but she said she has never been there before, and wanted to try their salad **yet she got chicken** anyway we left shortly after 9.. good times. turns out this saturday nights' plans aren't going to work out again, and i do believe toolman should be having a party the fallowing saturday, which i doubt she would go to.. i think she likes bars.. anyhow.. weird day to keep me busy..oh also, i should mention so when or should i really say IF i ever read this again, that beva, one of kims clients that i shampooed gave me a hug today for the first time! hip hip horray! anyhow lots of good things happened today which is good for the thoughts in my head:) i like seeing happy couples, and hearing about their valentines plans, makes me happy i forgot my lil heart boxes i was going to paint for friends, and and excuse to buy LOTS of cheap candy! funny times these times.. ohhh my did alot happen yesterday..
daily quote
"i truly believe everything happens for a reason"
tiffany on her truck getting stolen and my reason lesson in life
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| coloring my hair |
[08 Dec 2006|09:11am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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as i sit here and wait for my color to process i think about alot of different things, for one today is chriss' birthday thats pretty cool, wish i could give him a big hug today. but i guess i gave him enough when he was here. anyhow last night i went to jack in the box with ben and he told me all about his new job. it sounds perfect, and relaxed, he gave me the perfect answer when i asked him what he loves about his new job and he said EVERYTHING. how fucking cute! we came back to my house and i kicked his ass at cribbage by one point, and i think he should have won, i think he had nobs once and didn't take his point... hahahaha I WIN! anyhow today i have two new clients i've never had before, so that's exciting. saturday i'm hoping to go to holidaze a burner party.. but i accidently already made plans for saturday with rory and pat and britt. maybe i'll take them... haha that will be an eye opener for them
daily quote
"not right now; but later?"
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| sedona |
[06 Dec 2006|01:32pm] |
Sedona is pretty pretty, so my friend chris ended up coming to arizona alone and picking me up at work, i ended up getting a client right before he came in so he walked around and came back and got to see the finished art work aka my client. as we walked out of the salon together he picked me up and carried me all the way to his car! we went to my house and i introduced him to the parents and then we went out to eat at la fonda and i saw my old best friend erin, she in the reason why i'm a hair dresser! so i gave her lots of hugs! she is looking so beautiful! always has! and she was with her family and i gave all them hugs too. chris and I came back to my house and i finished packing..i'm a slacker for sure. i brought the blanket i made for him and gave it to him when we arrived in our hotel room with two beds "i didn't want to assume anything" what a cute boy. we ended up laying on the bed talking all night and smoking and then the next day we went hiking all over slide rock and went out to lunch at this super fancy super good place. yummm we were both very pleased with our meals. then we took a nap and hiked more and ate more and smoked more and slept. my favorite part of that day was the big rocks that seemed to pull us towards them. asking why chris was taking a picture and his answer was amazing he said it was for his friend that is getting a tattoo and he thinks that would be a great way to end the tree its roots wrapped around rocks. that boy is always thinking of his homies, and at one point i felt like they were all there. weird.. anyhow the next day we went hiking up the red rocks and eating this magic carmel that makes you feel funny, we hiked up some crazy shit and i even stretched my leg more than i'm used to we went off trail. chris said he'd let me lead and knew i was going the wrong way but didn't want to correct me.. poop. anyhow we had a really good time and saw some amazing things and ended up 24 miles aways from where we first parked! it wasn't too cold, we stayed pretty busy, we did sun bath on the top of this one and only sunny spot on the edge of a cliff. where i proceeded to stand above him telling him i thought i was going to puke. later that night we went out to eat and the lady who sat us down said this is for you two, so romantic. he was dressed in a suit and tie, but it was too cold for me to wear any of the dresses i brought. we were having a great time and made a big bed on the ground even tho we had two HUGE beds. i learned alot about him that night, he told me stories i was so happy to hear, he said hes not sorry for talking alot cause he knows i like it cause it makes me feel special and added that he sees alot of himself in me which is something i usually say to my closest friends.. so that was amazing! then we came back to scottsdale and went thrift store shopping but we didn't get anything nothing to get! and we spent the night at tom and danyellas and they both seemed to really really like him! tom was being a great host! big ups~ and happy belated birthday!
good times...
and then last night i went to a concert with steven and got in free, and free parking and free pizza.. pretty crazy!
daily quote
"its not easy smiling in the face of someone breaking your heart but it feels amazing"
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| pointless.. sucka |
[01 Nov 2006|11:45am] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
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i love change.. i really do, it might be scary, but you just keep on keeping on. anyhow some pretty intense feelings going around in the family life, but it changes so much that now i'm just not going to worry untill there is proof and deadlines and dates and such. i'll just try my best to not feel like i can do something to help, because this has nothing to do with me however it does effect me. can't worry about things out of your own controll. anyhow besides family life, work life is just about to get good again, my boss; Kim asked me if i would want to be her assistant inbetween clients and said she loves the fact i'm so eager to learn so she is going to take me under her wing so to speak, and i'm going to "get in there" as she says, and learn black afro texture better than any other white girl.. i'm pretty excited and couldn't be more thankful, a month or so ago i colored my hair black and blue to try to get another job, and then after i colored it, i realized that i didn't want to waste my energy on something i wasn't passionate about and if i just hung on a lil bit longer that things would work out, the other day i went on a lil city walk by my self i was looking around mostly at the ground, it was bright and i lost my sun glasses *which i JUST found* anyhow i noticed how cute some peoples houses are and thought of ways of sprucing up this joint! omg i went thru my closet this morning.. now my room is trashed! anyhow today i went for another walk and went to the post office to send Thanom a lil package, and then i thought to my self, hummm i'm thiristy, so i went inside circle k and then i look to my right and whooooo is standing behind the counter, my sister!!! turns out she got a job there and looks so cute doing it too! anyhow i got my self and my mom a drink and then chit chatted for a minute how funny i didn't know!!! we just have this energy together that pulls onto each other i guess!
daily quote
"i don't believe that"
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| i always have a good time |
[17 Oct 2006|05:58pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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upps my mom told on me. not like i'm dating anyone seriously, but still it felt weird when kyle called me out, apparently my mom told him a friend of mine picked me up *when i told him i was going to try to get an early night* anyhow rory and i ended up going to gregs fun times talking about burning man, and about decompression and rory said i have to take him with me next trip i go on :) sometimes i count the lines and other times i count my lucky stars. anyhow last night while talking the conversation of us popped up and he asked "what are you looking for" i told him i'm not looking for anything and then he asked what my ideal relationship would be and i told him and he said that we should do that. haha i just paused not knowing what to say.. i'm not looking for love my friend i'm looking for fun thats all that was going thru my head and yet the words came out my mouth so fast.. what the fuck? anyhow then he mis understood me and thought i said there is something wrong with me and as he ran his finger tips across me and then back up to my face till we were looking into each others eyes and he said there is nothing wrong with you in my eyes. hummmmm things that make you go hummmm... weird! anyhow we continued to talk for hours they seemed to be going by as fast as minutes.. i swear! what to do what to do... good thing i don't have to choose. this morning was beautiful fluffy clouds in the sky :) today there was an emergency... luckly it was just people over reacting i wish i could say the same for my dreams
daily quote
"i've done that thinking!"
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[16 Oct 2006|08:45pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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didn't i fucking tell you you would do that?
i have alot to say about this but its so true, i don't think i'm like you, or anyone else for that matter, i need to find the people who know me and understand me where ever they may be. maybe it would help me if i could be free to be me, maybe like a hippy that gets killed by a tree. i know so much about things that somehow matter and effect me, i see things before they are even in this pattern of chaos i see it before its born i harbor the thoughts in my dreams and soon enough its reality for me, so much its too much i think about you and the words you might say and i want to trust you, and not me, but sadly i'm right its always true. maybe you don't understand it you've never had this kind of thing brought to your conscious you've never had *this*.. this is one of the things that makes me feel disconnected from everyone else, your feelings are not private nor are you intentions, i see it all and play the role you see me as. always your friend, savior, and always your fucking lover. can't you see i have no interest you bore me like a cheap whore...yet thats exactly that.. bore and whore i think those two words say it best.
daily quote
"i want to be carried away"
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| your pretty fresh |
[16 Oct 2006|08:28pm] |
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 cheerful |
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so i went to LA this weekend to meet up with friends i met at burningman! fucking amazing bunch of people! so first off dan and i drive up together in his jeep, we get there...after getting lost *what should have taken 5 hours took 10, so adam gave me bad directions luckly i had homeboy chris to call and he pulled up a map and told us where we were and how to get to his house and then we met him at arco and i turn around after getting out of the car and there he is with giggles and hugs, he gets in the car and off we went to his house where he had really dope lil elephant statues and friendly kitties inside! we soon met back up at adams house and everyone was in costume! it was dope! some boy in a tiger outfit told me i could pass out with him tonight if i wanted that basically he is a big blanket, luckly every time this guy tried talking to me i'd look across where ever i was and see chris there and we'd catch eyes and then i'd excuse my self and run over to him. good times i learned slowly that every time he says you have something on your cheek and leans in to see what it is its actually a kiss. cute stuff. anyhow around 4 am i looked around and the party was done, and dan was sleeping in his car so i left with chris and slept at his house figuring that dan would call chris when he woke up, so we had a lazy day and cuddled in his bed and then went out and about picking up his friends and ate breakfast with everyone from the night before and ended up at landras house to get ready for decompression, i changed brushed my teeth and the sort and got ready we had a party train of three cars packed, and more friends meeting us there. i ended up knowing alot more people than i expected :) i met this dope girl jill we ended up being buddies the whole night and chris got to be pimp with two girls cuddled up to him in the art car while we SAB like nobodys business, lots of art, lots of talk. lots of new ideas and conversations that make you think differently, and presents everyday are fucking cool, i got a book, a shirt, and a necklace all of which are dope to the max!!! i love the whole crew i met! awesome seeing all these people come together! pure love and dedication if you will, we ended up going back to landras house and having an after party and someones car got towed.. i ended up leaving there around 4 am and then went back again to chriss' house and dan again slept in his car.. he is allergic to kitties. another lazy morning, wearing a mask is fucking cool but sometimes you have to take it off or have someone rip it off you. in love with the moment, in love with the people, in love with the place. hey you remind me of yourself..
daily quote
"why don't you work in scottsdale?"
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| Burningman 2006 |
[11 Sep 2006|09:19am] |
Tom, Danyella and I drove up to burningman together again :) i slept most of the time, which was perfect for getting ready for fun! When we first got there we accidently hit our greeter in the head with our AC unit sticking out off the trailer. We found our camp, CAMP HEL_FUCKING_LO and our camp mate Nasty aka N Dog. we tried setting our shade structure up but something wasn't right, and we couldn't figure it out, we soon got frustrated and SAB and then went right back to work and figured it out instantly! WHOA! who knew! anyhow got that up in no time. Aztek rolls up to us asking if he could help but ended up slowing us down, but its okay because after he saw the way tom hugged me he said it was his job to give me REAL hugs! i like REAL hugs! anyhow i went to bed and oddly enough had a dream about him and i traveling on a motorcycle together to canada of all places.. anyhow after waking up in disbelief i was at BM finally and seeing the beautiful sun pop over the mountains and burst out of the cloud i decided to decorate my bike with rainbow cheetah print fabric with zipties. i went to the potty and they were fresh and clean what an amazing way to start the day! someone also had left an inscent inside :) one thing i'm super happy about this year at burningman was i only smelled sage once...i fucking can't stand that smell it makes me ILL. Anyhow, michael, also apart of our camp shows up with his crew, eric, vince, manny, and julian, and Michael my favorite person i met, he brought this wonderful contraption, its called the ion sphere, your head goes inside this light fixture made for your head..and you watch different videos he put together, i ended up getting stuck in the reprogramer, what i got out of it most was if your tired of getting the same results, all you have to do is think differently. and i've been doing that and now i feel like all this weight has been lifted.. AWESOME! anyhow Eric brought a massage table and turned me into spaghetti, and taught me alot about massages and reading people and myself too! I ended up using that table the most out of anyone! **FUCK YEAH** anyhow we camped right next to bbrc the radio guys, whom i'd like to say thank you, you boys were all VERY nice, helpful, and friendly! what else could you ask for in neighbors! besides the dick ranger next to us on the other side...boo. anyhow turns out LUNA camped RIGHT BEHIND ME! wow! anyhow crazy shit kept happening eric and i had just had a conversation about coincidences and all this other great shit in life and then we go for a bike ride and this guy says heather i have a post card for you at my camp and then his friend a few feet behind him says omg your heather O this girl is looking for you, and i'm like holy shit you guys are fucking with me, i had never meet ither one of them and then i said how do you know who i am, it was freaking me out, then they said that someone came to there camp and said heather o i supposed to be camped here, she has green hair, she is skinny and sexy and thats you right, you did say your name is heather. so then he says that he knows where the girl who left the post card went, so we ride out with him and he is actually running along kicking a kick ball around.. then who do we stool up to but nummy monkey one of my myspace friends! yay! i gave her big hugs and love and a bracelet of stars, she is too fucking cute! anyhow then eric and i continue to ride around, we find BENMY and i say hi and trevor too and i was like holy shit this is cool, i ended up chilling for a lil bit before heading back to my side of things. i saw the alex gray temple of wisdom and went in there for a few different lectures. i learned alot about different drugs which makes me feel better! also under the man was more alex gray stuff so vince and i tackled each other on the playa and rolled around while people took pictures. thats how we roll! walking up the stairs to the man this women ask vince "can i kiss your girl friend?" he says YEAH i was like you ass hole! his dreads are really long i like holding one from way behind and seeing if he notices before i drop it :) i saw such amazing art work, i can't wait to get my camera back, i left it with T and D. i even created some art work and thought it was pretty fucking amazing, what a crazy adventure, i could take you on a journey with my words, i could take around the world, i could make you gold, i could make you a spot on an animal, i could make you a line in just an eye all tru my words and if you listened carefully you could see i was using inspiration which was all around me because it was beauty! if i tell you to picture this.. people in the sky....a boy... a girl.... holding hands.... floating, with feet sticking.......two... one..... another.... where are they going?....maybe to get married....ohh shit.... they are in a frame.... they are in a BOX.... wait a second....a piece...it fell off... can you get out....or do you even want to? anyhow the view i had was amazing so much to see so much to wait for. odd how that works, but it was as if someone could say something and i had to wait for the fabric to bring it to my ears, it didn't take long but longer than normal, while thinking like this and hearing thing not how things sound, i lost my nose ring!!! i went to blow my nose and then i felt it was GONE, so i searched i called people over with the mega phone i said hey... do you have eyes, i need you to help me look for a mega phone, things are looking different to me and this is hard, and turns out lots of other people had the same **sight**problem as i did. so i went in the trailer by my self...HOLY SHIT FUCKING INSANE, I AM SO PROUD OF THE ART IN THERE!~ anyhow i take a moment to calm down and remind my self of the purpose... to put a straight bar in my septum, i got it half way thru and the i noticed i lost myself in a thought about russian spys,and then i slammed the piercing thru my nose and i kept telling myself I DID NOT JUST RE PIERCE MY NOSE... it FUCKING hurt! but i kept it cool and i did KICKS, seriously in all fucking green, from head to toe, neon green fishnets over white and black zigzag tights, with my neon green dress and my fucking neon green hair and pot sash and huge glasses danyella said she couldn't take me seriously and that i was a cartoon charter. I went to a library that was in a van. it was super cool, i signed the guest book "thankyou for the love child, i hope it is good, and i fear i won't enjoy it, thankyou in advance" hahaha i signed a confession about my desire. which i think is a strange word. i thought about it ALOT! anyhow i had my best friend Danyella paint me, she did wings on my back and when people would ask *as often as it happened* are you an angel i would take off my jacket and show them my wings, that night i was wearing a vintage lacy wedding dress and apparently EVERYONE thought i was an angel at 4 in the morning! anyhow i ended up meeting this beautiful man wearing an elephant necklace, we danced, we looked into each others eyes while we talked and had that random amazing connection you sometimes get when you meet someone you like instantly! YESSSS! he would whisper in my ear and start kissing my ear and then back up and say he was sorry but coudln't resist and i said i perfer it! and then i was just about to kiss him, and then my friends pulled me away to another party...poop la shit! anyhow didn't see him again, but again out and about in the middle of no where Gramm rolls up and says heyyyy its heather.. and i'm like yessss, and then he says that he found an elephant ring that he used to wear in collage and that he would delieve it to me! and he did!!! big big love! all week i was leaving sterling messages at his camp looking for him, i found his camp mates devo and bianoca whom i missed dearly over the past year, and what a fucking HOTT couple! unbelievable djs too! anyhow finally sterling shows up at my camp and i'm there too:) i ended up getting married, but just before that geordie shows up!!! he gets to be there i had jayson give me away to a man in a cow suit with his camelpac rigged to come out the utters, and he was even wearing cat ears he STOLE from me last year, anyhow the wedding was beautiful i believe he said to me, mooo moo mo mo mooo moooooo mooooo moooo. anyhow we had reception at janets rv, she made chicken quessidias, and cheese too, people were super happy for us when they heard we got married, we got wedding presents, and i guess thats what it is really all about! geordie gave me the skirt that he let me wear last year that i fell in love with! so that was super cool! danyella made me this bad ass lighter that she perfectly spaced lil jewels all over it making the man! HOW COOL! anyhow lots of parties, i heard TONS of prodigy!! YAY MAKES ME SMILE! and funky town too! i was almost at camp at 5 am by my self and i heard that beat and i went back out till sunrise! this year was super emotional for me! but it was perfect that way. made me think differently which as previously stated i am trying to do! i had a card i took around and had people tell my dad what burningman is and the things people would say...i think my favorite was "like meeting the most fucked up person you have ever met every ten seconds" haha! one thing i like to do is watch the sunset on top of the rv and then before it gets cold lay on the hammock down the way with what ever boy is in there **i think thats where the beautiful boys go to rest and they always are down for company** i wrote on the temple this year, which i have never done before, just ridding out there i couldn't stop crying, but i don't think you would have known looking at me. anyhow in the middle of a white out seeing the temple rise out of no where was truely amazing sight to see, and also i never went up to it or inside it by this point, how insane! i wrote about people, life, love, and risk, and patterns.things i hoped would change. anyhow i read a few others, it was pretty intense.. honestly i couldn't hang.. instead of ridding our bikes back gramm and i walked them back. i'm just going to skip to the man burning now... anyhow the wind shifted, did we notice...no... some guy came over and asked if i needed a date or wanted a date i said no and then he asked if he could join me and i said no, sorry not in the mood.. i told him nicely it wasn't just NO... anyhow he soon left and then i ate one of my wedding presents that the lovely janet made...BROWNIES, YuM!
i had a whole crew of people shout THANOM, they asked what do you do when you want to feel better. and i said i shout thanom cause i love him and his name is fun to yell and it works EVERYTIME! anyhow the man went up and as the ashes flew people were being set on fire in front of me, they were running in madness it was frightening. i was afraid my hair would catch on fire, its so short it could go easly! anyhow it was a beautiful sight to see! i ended up gettting a ride from a ranger that gave me a J and partied at pinkies with me! i danced the night away.. so much amazing art, i can't even try to describe it! something you have to see for your self!
you are a fucking trooper to make it this far----i owe you dinner
quote
"can you read.... hug me"Me
"girl i will hug you ever two minutes" Vince
another quote
"are you leggs melting"Vince to me
"NO JUST LOOK AT THEM. don't put bad thoughts in my head" TomJ
another quote
"I'm a gay sex virgin, for life"TomJ
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| HOLY SHIT |
[17 Aug 2006|10:48am] |
In just 9 days i will leave for another adventure, today i found my pictures from last year at burning man and my cheeks hurt from smiling that hard! i get so excited i just want to cry, being happy is the bestest! My friends are really coming together to make this all happen and I just feel all this love around everyone, its almost like drugs. things have changed RELATIONSHIPS have changed! I got to see the most beautiful girl in the world the night before she left the U.S. it was a really good time! drunken crazy times, my sister and her co worker were at the bar too turns out i can talk for 3 hours straight if i feel like i have someones complete attention. I came home at sunrise feeling still drunk and then my step dad talks to me about pot. i'm really glad we had that conversation it went the best it possibly could have, we ended up going out to eat and sharing stories like friends rather than parent/child i spent the night at BenMys house the other night, his shade structure he is building in his back yard is looking really good. everyone is just super productive, all this energy...smiles make my cheeks hurt..i just want to cry, being happy is the bestest!
and tonight and/or possibly tomorrow lowell and i will get together and end up on a mountain in the rain like last time we hung out
FUCK YEAH LIFE IS GOOD!
daily quote
"ah the best kind of hook up"
PS JAMES is the fucking man!!
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| getting really excited! |
[11 Aug 2006|10:52am] |
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mood |
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 high |
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so today possibly my ticket for burningman will come in the mail! so i'm super excited about it! i have been super busy getting ready making things painting things and helping other people as well with their projects! **which in my eyes makes it mine too* so many people to remember to find.. this year is going to be great! our camp is getting bigger and bigger! so i'm excited about that as well and our name changed from camp I DO I DO to camp HEL_FUCKING_LO which is awesome cause i'll be rocking the MC 7 days straight we might stay 8... what what! anyhow then right after i get back from burningman is the grand opening of the salon. shit is going to be COOL!
daily quote
"he fatigues easily"
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| its actually kinda funny |
[17 Jul 2006|11:11am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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well it really is funny how i can call it before it happens yet still disappointed when it happens, why, if i already know/expect it to happen, some might say thats exactly why it happened, cause i expected it too, but to this i would say no, its a pattern and i can see it clearly. last night i had plans with YM and sadly they were canceled, the other day he said he stopped hanging out cause he's scared he'll start liking me too much and want to date me. how weird is that? i'm just looking for someone to hang out with and be homies with i'm MOST DEF not looking for some sugar... ben and i have a GREAT relationship, we talk maybe two times a week, and when we hang out we get rid of our sexual frustration, which is funny cause thats another reason why i wanted to break up, cause i noticed we stopped having conversation, it was us both bitching about work and then we'd have sex and eat and cuddle, and now its the same thing only with out the title... yeahhh weird.... but before benMy i wasn't too interested in the cock... i'll leave it at that...
daily quote
"Isn't that something you would have said word for word?"
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| i have nothing to dooo |
[14 Jul 2006|09:16pm] |
so today filled with restlessness i cleaned the house! what i've thaught was going to happen.. has, i feel relieved to know the truth even if i haven't heard it all yet, i am positive in my assumptions, i've been playing a fool yet keeping note, and my dear friend...i like how you believe i'm a fool, the easier i make the game the clearer your mistakes become to me, i knew today wasn't the first day, and i even had these feelings before i had feelings for you my friend, i wonder what would happen if i switched... i kinda told my friend the same thing my friend told me... i need to focus on burning man and not think about relationships. the only relationships that last are with GOOD CLOSE FRIENDS, i wish i could tell my friend everything but then maybe by this time next year things will be so much different...
Aaron said it best when he said he once heard somewhere
"never say your sorry to your friends they don't need it, never say sorry to your enemies they won't believe it"
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| tom and danyella come back |
[14 Jul 2006|11:19am] |
I remember one night ben and I were at a party and someone asked him if he was ready to give up the chase, and he said I don't know if I'm ready to stop chasing. I've thought about it alot these past few days and maybe that's something ben and I have in common, we both love the chase of love! as soon as were comfortable were bored.. I think that says it all.
Aaron was in Arizona **left this morning** it was so nice to see him again! his mom is amazing and made a bunch of tasty food! Megan was there too :) after that we went to Devens' house and they geeked out :) then Aaron and I cuddled up and went to bed, I really enjoy sleeping next to people and he is defiantly in my top 3 people in the world to sleep next to! tee hee! anyhow I ended up putting my touch on his hair cut, just changed it a tad! the drive home was long and lonely I kept wishing I had someone to talk to.
I noticed something weird last night, well maybe actually I noticed it a very long time ago and always chose to ignore it, but as of lately I've had a lot of time to my self, with my hand being fucked, so anyhow I was thinking, humm Relationship X, seems to respond to this, however Relationship Z, it has so many different things that contribute to its response, I wish I have more of the z with the x because the X makes me feel one way, but I NEED THE Z although maybe I could actually put the X in the Z
ohhh god I just re read that and yeah... let me break it down differently, I didn't want to be a girlfriend in the bed room, and a friend in public, and thats the only time we hang out, I wanted a relationship with endless conversations and ideas, stories that pain pictures in my head of new thoughts beautiful words going through time to my ears, hopes and dreams just from a conversation that started off one way and ended a million ways beyond its point and to new levels with one another. yet then in the bed room in the dark we both SLEEP! poop la shit my friends...
daily quote
"when did they pick up smoking, with such a fierce habit"
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| my hands are my money |
[10 Jul 2006|09:38pm] |
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so i ended up hurting my hand pretty bad! i blacked out last night out of no where, i was just at home with my parents eating and then i went to the bathroom and passed out hit a few walls and tried to grab the door knob ended up slamming my hand between the door knob and the wall when i fell aginst it and i have huge bumps on my head!! i cant do hair i can't work...what the fuck am i going to do...i don't have insurance to go to the doctor...tomorrow i have to go in and show my boss, one hand my right hand has two sprained fingers my middle and my ring finger, and then my lefthand i have a very brusied index finger.... it hurt so bad, my step dad was trying to help me up and i had no idea where i was.. it was the scarest thing!!! i felt like i died or something....soo weird!
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| a million bucks...thats really how i feel |
[08 Jul 2006|06:49pm] |
things are great! or at least seem to be! i put my self in check the other night, i had taco bell and had a picnic with my sister and we walked around the park and we would both stop at the same time and smoke and then start to walk again and exhaling at the same time! i turned to spit and in the middle of making the effort i was surprised by a young man on a bike right behind me, he was so quiet i didn't even know he was around! and ended up drooling and he told us to have a good night and then three seconds later he said i was serious have a good night and rode away! that was sweet reminded me of burning man! anyhow last night young me came over to my house and my sister saw him walking up and called him over to her bedroom and then got me... i felt like a teenager!! so old school! anyhow we ended up going to another park and talking.. then to circle k! anyhow today i ended up having my clients daughter come in to get her hair done, they both ended up loving it and the mom asked me to be their family hair stylist cause i'm such a sweetheart! i love the whole world again. its beautiful again. even in arizona which i'm beginning to like...
AARON is coming to arizona!!! life will be better! :)
daily quote
"it was like yogurt dried up on her scalp"
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| its july 2 |
[02 Jul 2006|12:26pm] |
i had the same gross dream last night, that my bridge piercing was infected and swollen and just nasty! i see his face, but its actually me... its weird.. i see his hands but really they were mine, it was really weird... anyhow i woke up a swollen throat, i knew this was the sign of a hard day, i was right.. sad thing is it's only 11 am, i'm going to clean the day away.. cause laying on the ground closing my eyes doesn't work anymore, my cat seems to like it tho... i rearranged and i don't like i feel like everything else is being rearranged in my life beyond my control and it makes me fear the future..funny i say that with that being the theme for burningman this year.. i guess once you have something in your head it can only manifest in everything you do. last night i met up with my friend russel aka noodle maker. i haven't seen him in 4 years!!! so that was good! now i'll know someone in the casino business!! yesterday i picked up my favorite chapstick in the world and now i'm super satisfied!!!
daily quote
"And then there is my secret"
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[30 Jun 2006|02:22pm] |
oh wow! today i had a strange interview. he said he would love to utilize my typing skills but is afraid he can't with my colorful hair and metal in my face.. so he will have to utilize my hands....with his fruit.. i'll be making edible arrangements! in the back a part of the production team! and to be honest i only wanted to go to culinary school to learn how to cut shapes out fruit and make flowers and such.. so hopefully this will work out its in the morning... so that should be perfect! danyella forgot about our lunch plans today so i'm trying to find someone to go with...looks like i'll be going alone.. but i'm fine with that i guess.. blarg... last night i spent the night at tom and danyellas house, i had cramps and wasn't feeling well, but it was a good time, tom made up a new nick name... which i can not disclose at this time.. but maybe i will black book... humm.. anyhow i wrote my brother tim a letter and put in it i was going to find a picture to put in there, and i never did... haha! for some reason or another he just isn't on line. ever i don't even know if he has an email address... crazy!
i've been spending lots of time alone lately. the other day YM and i re arranged my room...not sure how i like it.. haven't slept in my bed alone like that yet... boo
daily quote
"were going to be on a boat watching fire works on 4th of july"
LUCKY GIRL
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[25 Jun 2006|07:09pm] |
another up date.. so i thought and i thought and i decided finally that ben and i are better off as friends for now and ever! which is exciting! today i went over to his house and we watched grandmas boy or whatever it was FUNNY!
Young me and I fell asleep at the park the other night, it was scary, i woke up saw my purse, and saw young mes phone and looked at the time it said 3 am! i woke him up and said lets go! that was refreshingly ghetto, as tom says ghetto=memories and fancy=lots of money! i wrote all my friends letters last night which was actually alot of fun, i just smoked and smoked while i wrote and wrote, i couldn't stop! last night was like "are you fucking kidding me" how strang some people are and how obvious too!
anyhow life is good this wednesday should be AMAZING
daily quote
"i love my hair cut, omg you have to fix my hair cut"
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| why do i count constantly |
[19 Jun 2006|08:45am] |
so last night i had the wonderfulness of awkwardness! sometimes i like the tension but its starting to be more apparent. anyhow this weekend was simple, ben and i went out to eat and i got this salad and ordered it without heart of palms and olives but it came with like 4 heart of palms and i ate it and tried it and decided that i shouldn't order my salad without them ever again! and i'll still stay with my original no olives.. yuck! we ended up meeting up with benmys' friends at the british pub, they seemed like very nice people that like to hold my hand :) two different people there reminded me of the same person.. weird! Saturday night ben and i ended the night playing sorry i was blue he was green i won of corse! it was VERY close and some weird cards showing up.. dun dun dun , ding ding ding , sunday morning talks with benmy. i guess he said it best when he said he is set in his ways and isn't ever going to compromise.. whats a girl left to do? my gut is telling me to move on but my heart is reminding me that i'm still in love with the moment, after all thats all you have. i really like that boy, but if we both want different things and feel very strongly about it, wouldn't i be sparing heart ache later on? certain points of the conversation ring in my head so much that i'm thankful for a moment of peace and quite or anything that can keep me occupied.. like cutting hair or the quick marg... i met up with MCMG and cut his hair and after we went to rositas and got some fancy margarita but MCMG kept calling it a quick marg cause he was just one break in between him film hes helping some students do :) my sister and i were driving out in the middle of no where last night and we were singing every single song that came on the radio :) it was great:)
daily quote
"I'm on a serious mission to find all my homies who don't even know me"
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